Greetings, visitors. It has come to my attention that a certain "Loki"—if that is his real name—is claiming to be "the absolute most awesome cat in the whole universe." This is preposterous, and I cannot let this young upstart get away with such insolence and calumny.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dinkybutt Purrman—Dinky or D-Butt to my friends; Mr. Purrman, D. Butt Purrman, or His Royal Hiney to you—and I am the absolute most awesome cat in the whole universe. Those who dare to disagree will bear the full brunt of my withering look, better known as the Dink-Eye.
This Loki character boasts that he has "pet humans." Isn't that nice? I, however, have human staff. Foremost among them is Eva, who is the most wonderful woman in the world, my true love, my soul mate. My favorite activity is to lie in her lap while she gives me scritches. I insist on this pretty much any time she is at home, which should be all the time but sadly isn't. Sorry, Eva, but I'm a much better laptop than that computer you're always trying to use.
Also on staff is the Big Guy with the Beard—Eva keeps telling me he's named "Rick" or "Mitch" or something like that, I can never remember—who provides borderline adequate service, but frankly could do better.
As Eva likes to remind me on a regular basis, I am an extremely handsome cat, in my dapper gray suit. I'm also exceedingly charming, between my soft, eminently scritchable fur, and my world-class purr (it's right there in the last name). Truly, no one can resist my all-powerful purr. Although I have long outgrown children's toys, I maintain a large collection of training implements disguised as toys, which I enjoy playing exercising with to maintain my physique and my cat-like reflexes. And as you can see below, I was an exceptionally cute kitten.
In fact, these and other qualities have earned me the title of Dignified Mountain Lion of the Mid-Atlantic Region, but really that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I'll tell you more in the fullness of time. In the interim, I expect this Loki character to retract his lies, or he will be hearing from my lawyer (Rick, or whatever his name is again).
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